Grace

At the beginning of 2019, I made a decision to take a personal retreat once a quarter. This was something I was feeling God was asking me to do… to take time to “Be Still.”

There is this amazing place in the small country town of Lewisburg, Ohio. Innkeeper Ministries is a ministry that offers support, encouragement and rest to Christian pastors and leaders. I had Thursday, October 10th on my calendar for 9 months. There is both a home and a cabin on the property. When I go, I spend time at the cabin. I LOVE it, it’s serene and very quiet.

I planned to use this day to do a dashboard check up on my personal and ministry life as well as prepare a devotional for a mom’s group at church. I felt the Lord was leading me to share about grace.

I spent the morning doing my “check-up” and then took a break to go to the house to use the restroom. When I went into the house, a photo on the wall caught my eye.

Grace: unmerited mercy: pardon.

“Out of his fullness, we have all received grace upon grace.”

John 1:16

I love the amplified version…

“For out of His fullness [the superabundance of His grace and truth] we have all received grace upon grace [spiritual blessing upon spiritual blessing, favor upon favor, and gift heaped upon gift].”

John 1:16 Amplified Version

Don’t you just love that!!! … “Superabundance”, then “Spiritual blessing upon Spiritual blessing.. Favor upon favor, gift HEAPED upon gift!!”

I don’t believe it was a coincidence that I had already planned to talk about GRACE. I believe God was affirming the message I was to share.

I believe before we can offer grace to anyone, we must first offer grace to ourselves.

I know as women, we are running at such a fast pace in our over-scheduled worlds! Some of you are barely getting any sleep at night because you have littles. Some of you are working, taking care of a family and running your kids to a variety of extracurricular activities. I know.. I was there.

My Journey

About 18 years ago, I was a stay at home mom. My kids were almost 5 and 9, one day, while a friend and her daughter were over for a play date, my husband came home from work early ~ it was about noon. He was carrying a box of his belongings from his office. My friend could tell something was up and took our daughters to go grab some lunch.

The Crisis

He shared that his company laid off a bunch of people that day. He was was one of many in the first round of layoffs. We were devastated ~ he had been working there for 10 years.

Over the next couple of months, I started working at a new daycare. My husband found temporary work while he continued to search for a full-time job.

I advanced to being the director of the daycare quickly. This meant I took on more responsibility… and… would have to go back to get my Masters in Education since I had a bachelor’s in graphic design and not education.

I thought I could do it all.. work 60+ hours a week, maintain a home, work on my masters, volunteer at church and be a good wife and mother… I thought I could be Super Woman!

Breakdown

I was a hot mess – little did I know.. I was having an emotional breakdown. Anxiety and fear gripped me for a couple of months. It was so bad, I would wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks.

I remember scheduling an appointment with my doctor. When I went in, I told him what was going on. Thankfully he was very understanding. He prescribed some meds and suggested I seek counseling.

Not too much later, I walked into the counselor’s office and began telling her my story. After listening.. she said “Paula.. why don’t you just quit?”

Ummm. Quit? No. I’m loyal. I’m hard working. I have invested a lot into this place.. I can’t quit.. I don’t quit things… You see.. I could not give myself grace!

After much prayer and seeking wise counsel, 2 months later, God released me from that position and I submitted my resignation.

Friends, before you can offer grace to anyone, our spouse, our loved ones, our children, you need to accept this FREE GIFT of GRACE from God yourself.

“May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace.”

1 Corinthians 1:3

As we begin to embrace the grace God offers us, we begin to give it.